Carolyn and I recently attended an aptly named ‘Parent Education Workshop’ hosted by Quinette Le Roux Weitsz, a Divorce and Family Law Mediator and Play Therapist based in East London who actively assists the parents of minor children, who are or have been through a divorce or termination of their relationship with the drafting of a Parenting Plan to assist the parties in ensuring that the best interests of their children will be taken into account and met at all times.

Some useful tips which we gleaned from the workshop which, if put into practice, could certainly be beneficial to minor children facing these difficult situations, particularly from the perspective of the non-primary residential parent, are as follows:-

DO’S

• Make the contact/visitation with your children meaningful. Make time for everything including talking, listening, cuddling and playtime activities. The time with your children is not about entertaining them, it is about spending quality time with them to the extent that they feel seen, heard and loved.
• Listen to what your child has to say about his/her life with the other parent and allow your child to feel open to freely talk about his/her day-to-day life with the other parent.
• Keep whatever issues you may have with the other parent, between you and the other parent. Do not involve your child in these issues.
• Help ease the transitions to and from visits for your child by being cordial and polite to the other parent.
• Use part of your contact/visit time to allow your child to keep in touch with your side of the family and friends.
• Encourage your child to resolve any issues which he/she may have with the other parent, independently.
• Respect your contact/visitation arrangements so that your child knows and feels that this time is of importance to you.
• Communicate directly with the other parent when making contact/visitation arrangements. Do not make such arrangements directly with the child and at the exclusion of the other parent.

DONT’S

• Don’t miss, arrive late or reschedule your contact/visits with your child, except in situations of emergency.
• Don’t ignore your child or spend your contact/visit time with someone else. This is supposed to be quality time spent with your child.
• Don’t express through your words or actions to your child that speaking about the other parent is prohibited. Do not insult the other parent in any manner.
• Don’t ask your child to carry messages between you and the other parent. Respect your child enough to communicate with the other parent directly.
• Don’t ask your child questions about the other parent in a way that invades his/her privacy or ask your child to share private information about the other parent. This places your child in a very difficult situation.
• Don’t schedule your time with your child so that you risk returning with just moments to spare before or after visits.
• When your child gets home from a visit with the other parent, allow your child a bit of cooling down time. Do not bombard him or her with questions about his/her time with the other parent.
• Don’t interfere with how the other parent is raising your child unless the situation is serious or poses a danger to your child.