Parenting Coordinator In Matters Involving Minor Children

All too often, divorces can get ugly. And when there are children involved, things can get even uglier. Each parent feels they have certain rights and a seemingly never-ending cycle of quarrelling, fuelled by bitterness and jealousy ensues – both inside and outside of court. Too often we see children getting caught in the middle of adult issues and being pulled in all directions by their squabbling parents.

This is where “parenting coordinators” come in.

What are Parenting Coordinators?

Parenting Coordination is a relatively new area of expertise in South Africa. There are currently no statutes or Rules of Court governing the appointment of Parenting Coordinators but a practice has developed wherein parents involved in high-conflict matters involving minor children, consent to the appoint of a Parenting Coordinator to assist them in mediating disputes. Parenting Coordinators ordinarily consist of a select group of Psychologists and Family Law Attorneys who have been specially trained to aid in contentious divorce matters and contentious matters involving minor children.

They are usually appointed where the parties have clearly demonstrated a long-term inability or unwillingness to make parenting decisions on their own or to comply with parenting agreements and orders, in order to reduce their child-related conflicts and to protect their children from the impact of such conflict.

Parenting Coordinators have one goal in mind: to facilitate parental cooperation and to ensure that parents carry out court-ordered arrangements relating to minor children. They assist in implementing parenting plans and resolving pre- and post-divorce parenting disputes in an immediate, non-adversarial, court-sanctioned and private forum.

The Primary Focus of Parenting Coordinators

The primary purpose of Parenting Coordinators is to reduce the negative effects that divorce and family separation can have on minor children and to protect and sustain safe, healthy and meaningful parent-child relationships, particularly insofar as high-conflict divorce or child-related matters are concerned.

They do this by attempting to facilitate the resolution of disputes by getting the parties involved in agreeing on a particular course of action. If this fails, the Parenting Coordinator has the power to make decisions or to issue directives regarding the disputes. These decisions and directives are binding on the parties until a competent court directs otherwise, or until the parties jointly agree otherwise. A directive is not final and binding – it only becomes binding on the parties when it is reviewed by a court with jurisdiction in the matter.

What is the Parenting Coordination process?

At the commencement of the parenting coordination process, a written statement of understanding is signed by all parties.

The statement of understanding:

• contains the parameters of the Coordinator’s authority and the other aspects of the Parenting Coordination work as set out in the Court Order or the Parenting Plan or Deed of Settlement in terms of which the Coordinator is appointed.
• sets out clear rules for contact and engagement outside of the scheduled Parenting Coordination sessions, that include the kind of communication that will be used; boundaries for the number, length and tone of messages allowed; absence of on-call services by the Coordinator; and the response time for interactions between the parties, and between the parties and the Coordinator.
• will state that there is limited confidentiality in the Parenting Coordination process and that it does not constitute therapy, psychotherapy, child-custody evaluation or legal advice.

  The Parenting Coordinator will then meet with each parent individually at the outset to obtain a history of the relationship, information about the children involved and an idea of the relevant issues between the parties. Over time, as co-parenting communication and skills develop, the need for joint meetings usually decreases until they are needed once a month or once a year or so, on an as-needed basis. The Coordinator will also meet with the parties’ children on an as-needed basis to explain his/her role, to get to know the children and to ascertain their feelings about the relevant issues.

  While a Parenting Coordinator is not an Arbitrator, they are accredited and highly trained to mediate high-conflict situations. They will have completed the Law Society of South Africa’s mediation course or be an accredited member of the National Accreditation Board for Family Mediators (NABFAM) through a local mediation organization such as FAMAC, the South African Association of Mediators (SAAM) or the KwaZulu-Natal Association of Family Mediators (KAFAM).

  Divorce can be painful enough on both parents and children. It does not have to become a war where children are caught in the middle. If you need assistance with parenting mediation or feel that the appointment of a Parenting Coordinator may be beneficial to your matter, contact our Offices.